Knocked Off My Pedestal

 It took a while for me to get my confidence back after my PD diagnosis but I did get it back.  I am a fighter and I am strong. I work really hard at staying healthy.  When you are doing well, it is easier to deny your symptoms and think you are winning the battle.  

I found out that it only takes one little thing to snatch that confidence back.  For me it was a fall.  I fell.  I can't believe that I fell!  Fortunately, other than a small bruise on my hand, I didn't get hurt.   I was carrying a chair through a doorway while dressed in a slim skirt and heels. I admit now that it was a stupid idea.   Of course, I had to do my less than graceful dance with the floor in front of a group of friends. I don't know if I caught my heel on the rug or if the chair threw me off balance.  I guess it doesn't really matter.  Someone without PD, would probably have shaken off their embarrassment  and moved on.  I felt my confidence being ripped out from under me once again.  The insecurity of what this illness can do to me reared its ugly head.  All night, I questioned myself.  "Am I getting worse?  Did my PD make me fall?"  My rational side knows that  anyone could have fallen doing what I was doing.  The cold, hard reality is that I do need to be more careful. Like it or not, I have Parkinson's.   I cannot afford an injury.  If I get injured, I will have to scale back my exercise. Exercise helps keep my symptoms at bay and keeps my confidence up.  So today, the day after my confidence bucket got dumped out all over the floor, I went back to the gym.  I worked hard and I even kicked some ass. My confidence bucket is filling back up drop by sweaty drop.  Hear that PD? You can't rob me of everything. I can do this hard thing and  I will fight you every step of the way.